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An Ion Storm!, Part 1: The Ascent to Gamer Paradise


This article tells part of the story of John Romero.

At id, the company was rolling in millions of dollars and we just had walls. It was the whole Carmack idea of, “I don’t need anything on my walls, all I need is a table and a computer and a chair,” instead of, “Okay, we’ve got a lot of money, why not make a really bad-ass office?”

— John Romero

Romero is chaos and Carmack is order. Together they make the ultimate mix. But when you take them away from each other, what’s left?

— id Software artist Paul Steed


It was Trip Hawkins who first opened the can of worms. In 1983, to celebrate the release of Electronic Art’s first half-dozen games, he proclaimed their developers to be the rock stars of the new digital generation. The advertising campaign that followed was built around Annie Leibovitz-inspired photographs of his charges, trying a little bit too hard to look cool there in moody black and white, with Pinball Construction Set creator Bill Budge proudly showing off an actual studded leather glove. (“That’s not me really,” he would later admit; he’d bought it for dressing up as a punk rocker at a costume party.) The campaign attracted much comment, then as it still does today, but it appears not to have been all that effective in selling games. Within a few years, EA had backed off the programmers-as-rock-stars angle and was moving toward becoming the faceless corporate collective that gamers know — and in some cases hate — today.

But a dream as enticing as this one could never truly die. Ten and a half years after those airbrushed-cool EA advertisements, a group of scruffy outsiders in Dallas, Texas, unleashed DOOM upon the world. John Carmack and John Romero became the leaders of a movement that remade the culture of computer gaming over the next several years, turning it brasher, bolder, more action-oriented — and, yes, more violent. With his long hair and his penchant for black jeans and heavy-metal tee-shirts, Romero looked more at home with a studded leather glove on his fist than Bill Budge ever had. Within a year or two, he was playing DOOM in the back of a tour bus next to Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.

The reborn rock-star ethos rippled outward from id Software, Carmack and Romero’s company. Suddenly gaming was cool in a way it had never been before. Sony went all-in on rave culture and heroin-chic in promoting its new PlayStation console. David Bowie wrote songs for and lent his voice and persona to Omikron: The Nomad Soul, shortly after the aforementioned Trent Reznor had written the soundtrack for id’s Quake. A fellow named American McGee, who had worked for a few years as a level designer at id, overcame his middling CV with a rock-star-worthy name and rock-star-worthy-looks, making a transgressive shooter based on Alice in Wonderland that would have done Alice Cooper proud, with his own name up in lights there on the front of the box.

But it’s safe to say that no one in gaming did the rock-star thing bigger and better than John Romero himself. DOOM had been his brilliant, dangerous masterpiece, the game the kids all wanted to play as loudly as possible while their parents pined for the more innocent days of Pac-Man. And after DOOM… well, anyone who has ever seen one of those VH1 Behind the Music documentaries knows what has to come next. It was time for him to lose himself in decadent rock-star excess and lose the plot on his art.

Such is the conventional narrative about Ion Storm, at any rate. Is it correct, you ask? Partially — but the tale is also more complex than it might seem on the surface.


In the earliest days of Ion Storm, John Romero and Tom Hall stand outside the mock-Tudor mansion the former bought with his DOOM money.

When we last checked in with John Romero, it was the summer of 1996, and he had just been fired from id Software for some combination of artistic disagreements with John Carmack and dereliction of duty. id’s fandom on the young World Wide Web greeted the news much as their parents had that of the breakup of the Beatles. How could the partnership of opposites that had changed their lives by marrying Carmack’s cutting-edge graphics technology to Romero’s diabolically inventive level designs have fallen apart so quickly?

As it happened, Romero had already been weighing his options for months by the time the axe fell. He’d been considering starting a new studio with his old friend Tom Hall, who’d been fired from id years before for trying to inject too much story into DOOM. Now, Hall was running into much the same problem at 3D Realms, where he had been assigned to a shooter called Prey. (True to form for 3D Realms, who believed in taking their time with their games, Prey wouldn’t be completed until 2006.)

Romero’s firing changed the two men’s talk into action. Feeling the need of a partner in what lay ahead, perhaps still feeling a twinge of guilt for the way Hall’s tenure on DOOM had ended, Romero offered to pay him a salary from his own DOOM windfall while the pair of them got a new studio off the ground. Romero’s stated ethos for the studio reflected the lingering bitterness he felt toward Carmack, who had made it clear that technology — his technology — would always be the primary driver of life at id.

Design is law. What we design is what’s going to be the game. It’s not going to be that we design something and have to chop it up because the technology can’t handle it or because some programmer says we can’t do it. You design a game, you make it, and that’s what you do. That’s the law. It’s the fucking design.

It didn’t take Tom Hall long to turn in his resignation at 3D Realms.

Romero first thought to call the studio Dream Design, but soon decided that sounded too “soft,” like a “mattress brand.” Hall suggested changing it to Ion Design. Then a mutual friend named Kee Kimbrell chortled over the phone one day that “the competition better watch out, or they are going to get caught up in an ion storm!” “We’re done here,” said Romero the moment he heard those words.

Publishers courted the new studio like record labels after a hot new band. Romero and Hall made the rounds of the industry, toasted and feted at every stop: Activision, Origin, Virgin, Mindscape, Acclaim, GT Interactive. Many of these houses had been blindsided by the 3D-action revolution in games, which had sprung up from the hinterlands while they imagined that the future of interactive entertainment was for it to become one with the movies. Now, they hoped to tempt the coolest dude of all from the new scene to come in and save their bacon. Romero dined out on their desperation, unabashedly playing one publisher against another, mocking them for their cluelessness to their faces.

In the course of these journeys, Romero and Hall visited the less prominent publisher 7th Level, who were looking to diversify from educational software into games. In service of that agenda, they had already bought a fledgling studio known as Distant Thunder, founded by one Todd Porter. A nephew of the legendary rockabilly guitarist Chet Atkins, Porter was, in addition to being a pretty good guitarist himself, a former seminary student and male stripper (stage name: Preacher Boy) whose chief claim to gaming fame was a rather excruciating 1989 CRPG called Knights of Legend. (The CRPG Addict, who has far more time and patience for the lesser lights in his favorite genre than I do, spent a staggering 96 hours with it; he numbered among its flaws the fact that you need to enter “ten keyboard commands just to move one step.”) Romero and Hall got to chatting with Porter. One thing led to another, and soon they decided to offer him a job and a stake in Ion Storm. Porter agreed to join, bringing with him his art director from Distant Thunder, Jerry O’Flaherty.

Romero had his fair share of flaws, as these articles will make abundantly clear. And yet, as this episode demonstrates, his enthusiasm for games was honest and almost naïvely heartfelt. On the strength of nothing more than good vibes and good chemistry, he gave Porter and O’Flaherty 25 percent of his new studio each, leaving himself and Hall to split the other half equally. It seemed that he still wanted to be a member of a band, not a solo artist. “At worst, if we disagreed on a company direction, we’d stalemate,” he remembers thinking. Not having much experience running a business, he had no idea how damaging such a stalemate could be.

On Christmas Eve of 1996, Ion Storm closed a deal with Eidos Interactive. The British publisher was already riding high off Tomb Raider, featuring the short-shorted and ludicrously proportioned Lara Croft, who despite her lack of corporeal reality was poised to become an unlikely It Girl of the mainstream zeitgeist. Now that Eidos had a full-blown pinup star, why not add a rock star to the stable? They agreed to pay Ion Storm $3 million in advance for each of three games — one from Romero, one from Hall, and one from Porter — plus a slush fund of another $4 million thrown on top, ostensibly for console rights. And they asked for the right of first refusal on Ion Storm’s next three projects as well, again promising $3 million for each of them in advance if they liked what they were pitched. Once the games reached stores and sold through their advances — that ought to take only about 150,000 unit sales, peanuts in a world where DOOM and Quake had sold in the multi-millions  — Eidos would pay a 40-percent royalty directly into Ion Storm’s pocket. It seemed like a spectacularly good deal.

Hall’s game, which would come to be known as Anachronox, was meant to combine the gameplay of Final Fantasy and Super Mario 64 with a story inspired by the novels Battlefield Earth and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Romero was predictably unfazed by this unwieldy collection of influences. Sounds great, he said. Design first and all that.

Porter’s idea was vaguely based on the old horror flick Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Romero described it to the press as “a real-time-strategy, first-person-action, weird hybrid of a game, completely hectic and totally hot.” Make of that what you will.

Romero’s own game was to be called Daikatana. It would send its player and two non-player companions hopscotching through two millennia worth of human history, from late Antiquity to the far future. It was to include shooter elements, but was also to be much more than just another DOOM or Quake. Like Hall, Romero mentioned JRPGs as some of his primary inspirations. Stealing a page from the early playbook of Electronic Arts, some of whose rock-star advertisements had sported the tagline “Can a Computer Make You Cry?,” he said that “I want you to become so emotionally attached to the characters that certain events in the game will make you break down and cry, just like in the opera scene from Final Fantasy III.” Who would have thought the man who had brought the verbs “frag” and “gib” into the lexicon could be such a soft touch?

As true-blue a man of his people as Bruce Springsteen was of his, Romero made it a point to hire his employees from the booming DOOM and Quake modding scenes as much as possible, foregoing for the most part folks with established industry résumés in favor of ones who reminded him of him and his friends from id before DOOM changed their lives forever. They all moved into an anonymous-looking but spacious “starter office” in North Dallas.

Standing from left to right: Bob Wright (a friend of Todd Porter’s, he was COO for a spell), Porter, Tom Hall, John Romero, and Jerry O’Flaherty. Seated: Mike Wilson.

Romero poached id’s marketing director, Mike Wilson, to become Ion Storm’s CEO and head PR man. “Honestly, I didn’t see how it could miss,” Wilson would say later. “I had just driven up the rates for a PC game to well beyond where they had ever been. It went up over the course of a year from, like, a million dollars a game to two or three or four [million] in advances. And I’d just renegotiated the Quake [royalty] rate up into the 40s [percent]. So I knew that the going rates were pretty good. And with John’s name, and Tom’s… you know.”

Wilson and Romero both enjoyed taking potshots in the press at their former colleagues from id, and in particular at John Carmack, behaving rather like John Lennon during his “How Do You Sleep?” phase. The irony of this public feud was that Ion Storm’s three games were actually to run under the Quake engine.

Romero soon learned of the disadvantages of not working in the same office where the technology that powers your dream design is conceived. At the E3 show in June of 1997, id demonstrated the upcoming Quake II. Romero pronounced immediately after he saw it that Ion Storm couldn’t possibly make do with the Quake I engine, that they would have to wait until the sequel was released six months from now — id naturally got first dibs on their own engine — and then update their works-in-progress accordingly. Many members of his own team were confused by his stance; they could make Daikatana just fine with the Quake I engine, they said, then upgrade for the next game. Why was a studio that had pure design as its founding ethos suddenly getting so hot and bothered about polygon counts and screen resolutions? But Romero was adamant; it was the Quake 2 engine or nothing. “If we don’t switch engines,” he said, “it [Daikatana] will look ancient in comparison.” Daikatana, originally projected to be a direct competitor to Quake 2 that Christmas, would have to be pushed to 1998. Hall’s and Porter’s projects would also make the switch, suffering similar delays.

While he waited on his new engine, Romero’s broader ambitions for his studio continued to grow. Unhappy with the company’s unremarkable current digs, he set his heart on the “penthouse” at the top of the 55-story Chase Tower, the third or fourth highest (depending on how you measured it) building in all of Dallas. The soaring ceiling and canted walls of the multi-tiered space were made of glass, giving a view that no other location in the city could match. Yet ten years after the skyscraper had first opened for business, the penthouse was still unoccupied; the real-estate agent explained that many potential tenants had looked at it, only to balk at the rent of half a million dollars per month and the almost equally astronomical cost of air-conditioning the giant glass bubble through the long, hot, sun-drenched Texas summers.

The agent must have danced a jig when Romero said that he would take the white elephant anyway. He hired a contractor to turn it into a gamer’s paradise, complete with a “rec area” with billiard and foosball and ping-pong tables and stand-up arcade machines, a deathmatch arena, a labyrinth, a movie theater, a television lounge, a motion-capture stage, $1500 chairs for everyone, and lots of comfy couches and showers for the many employees who would be encouraged to more or less live in the Ion Storm tree house. The renovations would require months to complete, at a cost of $2.5 million. Incredibly, Mike Wilson managed to convince Eidos to foot the bill, by promising that they could house their board of directors here and use the space as a showcase for visiting press. While they waited on the renovations to be completed, Ion Storm took over the 30th floor of the Chase Tower.

The Chase Tower in downtown Dallas, with the Cathedral Shrine of Our Lady Guadalupe sitting just at its base. This juxtaposition of big business and religion, ultra-modernity and tradition, is Dallas, the city where I grew up, in a nutshell.

Their publisher’s generosity in picking up the renovations tab notwithstanding, Ion Storm was spending money at an alarming rate. A perverse incentive emerged from the terms of their contract with Eidos: to initiate more projects so as to collect more $3 million advance payouts to cover short-term costs. Right from the moment he arrived, Mike Wilson had been telling the others that he wouldn’t have taken the Eidos deal, sweet as it looked. Now that they had, he said that they ought to “burn through” the six games they were on the hook for as quickly as possible, in order to become a publisher in their own right. That was where the real money was, he said. Romero was skeptical, but Wilson found an unexpected ally in this scheme in Todd Porter, who, it was slowly becoming clear, fancied himself an equally smooth and crafty wheeler-dealer. Porter hatched an ingenious if ethically dodgy scheme.

He had heard from his old colleagues from Distant Thunder that 7th Level had gotten cold feet about the games thing after their MechWarrior 2 competitor G-Nome had stiffed. (Computer Gaming World said that G-Nome “perfectly simulates putting a moron in a giant robot.”) They’d decided to cut their losses and get out of games as abruptly as they’d gotten into them, just as Porter’s old gang were about to finish an entrant into the crowded real-time-strategy field called Dominion: Storm Over Gift 3. (“Gift 3” was the name of the planet in the game, not an indication that it was the third in any series.) Ion Storm could buy it for a song, Porter said, give it to four employees for six weeks or so to apply a final coat of spit and polish, and offer it to Eidos. If the publisher accepted it, and if the cost of acquiring Dominion and finishing it worked out to less than $3 million, then they would be able to pocket the difference, even if the game never sold a single copy. Even in the worst case of Eidos saying no thanks, they would still have burned off one of their three options, and would still be free to shop it around elsewhere or publish it themselves. “The only reason we’re thinking about acquiring it is to burn an option, simple as that,” wrote Romero in an email.1

As Porter had hoped, Eidos agreed to pay the advance and publish the game, although it was clear that they weren’t thrilled at the prospect. But nothing else went according to the plan which Porter had pitched to the other founders. He ended up paying 7th Level fully $1.8 million for Dominion — far more than his partners had expected — only to admit once he had it that it was in far worse shape than he had anticipated. He proceeded to hire a group of his own former employees from Distant Thunder to finish it, a task that now looked likely to consume quite some months. The project went out of the black and into the red in December of 1997. It now had to sell decently well if it wasn’t to lose Ion Storm money, $3 million advance or no. The other founders were left wondering whether they had been the victim of guile or incompetence on Porter’s part. It was a question they would find themselves asking again and again as time wore on.

In September of 1997, Ion Storm announced that they had signed a fourth game designer to initiate a fifth development project. Older, bespectacled, and as thoughtful and well-spoken as Romero and his friends were brash and profane, Warren Spector was by no means an obvious candidate to join them. He had made his reputation at Looking Glass Software with Ultima Underworld and System Shock, games which he liked to describe as “immersive sims.” They used the same three-dimensional first-person perspective as DOOM and Quake, but in more cerebral and conceptually ambitious ways that counted combat as just one part of a larger whole. Nevertheless, Romero was a fan, eager to sign him up when he learned that the financially troubled Looking Glass was shutting down the Austin office where Spector was employed. Romero sent him an email: “Dude, you’ve got to join Ion Storm. Let me come down and convince you.” When he arrived, he gave Spector the same pitch he had delivered to Hall and Porter: he could make any game he wanted to make, using $3 million of Eidos’s money. At Ion Storm, nobody would tell him what to do.

Spector found the offer a hard one to refuse, especially after a couple of years of creative frustration at the perpetually short-staffed Looking Glass. At the same time, though, what he saw going on 180 miles to his north in Dallas made him nervous. He would accept, he said, but only if he could stay in Austin, opening his own office there and keeping the rest of Ion Storm at arm’s length. Far from being offended, Romero agreed to his terms. Eidos picked up yet another $3 million option, and Ion Storm could look forward to paying rent on yet another office space. But, setting all that aside, it was, many a gamer will tell you today, the best decision John Romero ever made. For it would result in Deus Ex, one of the most beloved and critically lauded computer games of all time, every inch the silver lining in the Ion Storm story.

Meanwhile the gang in Dallas debated flying out to London together to have their picture taken on the famous Abbey Road crosswalk, a Fab Four for this new pop-culture era of interactivity. Dubious as that idea was, it would surely have made for a better first advertisement for the delayed Daikatana than the one they finally landed on. In lieu of a game to celebrate the Christmas of 1997, Ion Storm rolled out a magazine advertisement which told their fans that “John Romero’s about to make you his bitch. Suck it down!” Mike Wilson judged that last phrase to be such a winner that he took out a trademark on it.

Daikatana had somehow wandered far afield indeed in a remarkably short time from the interactive epic that was supposed to make you cry. It was too much even for some of Romero’s more slavish followers — the ones who non-ironically bowed down to him saying “I’m not worthy!” at trade shows, who looked to him for personal-grooming as well as gaming tips. (“I always flip my hair over in front of my face and look at the floor while using a brush and hair dryer to slowly dry all my hair,” he said of his famous heavy-metal locks. “Brushing downward while drying will help straighten your hair and completely drying it will make sure it doesn’t kink up or curl up.” Who said that gamers were oblivious to fashion?) Instead of seeming edgy and cool, as Wilson had no doubt envisioned, the advert hit all wrong, demonstrating contempt not just for social norms — that was A-okay in the rock-star business — but for Ion Storm’s own most likely customers. The online blowback which ensued was an early indication that there might be some cracks in Romero’s armor, some limits to what even he could get away with. He would have done well to heed the warning when it was presented to him.

By now, the Dallas office was wracked by constant infighting among the senior staff, which made the place feel more dysfunctional by the day. Almost everyone seemed to agree that Todd Porter was the problem; now that he felt free to show his true colors, he was by most accounts an abrasive character indeed. Yet Romero and Hall had no way of getting rid of him, since his loyalist Jerry O’Flaherty would always vote with him to keep him around. Romero was learning a belated lesson on the dangers of a business stalemate.

Yet it turned out to be Mike Wilson rather than Porter who left first under bad terms. The infamous “bitch” advertisement may well have had something to do with it; Romero has long claimed that he was never really onboard with it, that he agreed to it only when Wilson called him a “pussy” for expressing reluctance. But there are also two other stories connected to Wilson’s departure. One involves him “borrowing” $30,000 from the company’s bank account to buy himself a used BMW. He took the money just for the short term, so he said, because “my loan officer is out of town.” But Wilson then proceeded to wreck the car before said loan officer could return, leaving the company out all that money.  The other story — the one told by John Romero in his recent memoir — is that Wilson started a games publisher of his own on the side, without telling any of his colleagues, and was fired when they found out. For all we know, of course, both stories might be true. Lord knows, Ion Storm was crazy enough to make that possible.

Whatever the exact reasons for his departure, there is no disputing that Wilson really did announce the new publisher Gathering of Developers — or G.O.D., as he preferred to call it — soon after his departure. In its bare couple of years as an independent going concern, G.O.D. produced a surfeit of revolutionary rhetoric about rescuing the creatives from the predations of the suits, but came out with few games that were reviewed well or that sold much. Its one real hit, before being swallowed up by the much larger publisher Take Two Interactive, was rather out of character for it: the strategy game Railroad Tycoon II. Other than this, G.O.D. was most noted among gamers for its “booth babes,” who at trade shows and especially at invitation-only after-hours parties let it all hang out, so to speak. Whatever else you can say about him, there can be no denying that Mike Wilson worked like a demon to cement the case for game developers as rock stars.

With Wilson went Ion Storm’s own ambition for becoming a game publisher as well as a studio. Indeed, Ion Storm was becoming ever more tightly coupled to Eidos, dependent upon them for their very survival. By the beginning of 1998, Eidos had begun sending a monthly remittance of $1.2 million to Dallas just to keep the doors open. Understandably concerned about the situation, they were starting to make noises about wanting equity in the studio itself in return. It looked like the founders might have to grant this wish, just to keep the lifeline from being pulled out of their grip.

In the midst of it all, in February of 1998, Ion Storm finally moved into the penthouse at the top of the Chase Tower. In addition to all of the other perks, there were free soda and limitless junk food on tap for the nearly 100 employees. Rumor had it that there were other, more illicit substances floating around the place as well, although these were presumably not purchased by the company — not officially, anyway. Call it part and parcel of the rock-star lifestyle.



Oddly few photographs of Ion Storm’s infamous penthouse office space exist. At some point, though, John Romero shared the following pictures, along with explanations of exactly what we are looking at. I found them in a Reddit post by one “Tricky-Adeptness-657.” The photographs appear to have been taken when the offices were mostly cleaned out, probably in the run-up to Ion Storm’s final closure.

The penthouse of the Chase Tower — now known as the Dallas Arts Tower — looks like this today. You can still play table games there, so the continuity with the past is not completely broken.



The penthouse was by no means a failure in its role of providing a showcase for a burgeoning creative industry, of showing that there was enough money flying around here to buy plenty of rock-star decadence. This was something that a mainstream reporter who had never played a computer game more advanced than Solitaire could readily understand and convey to her audience. CNN toured the penthouse for an on-air segment; Entertainment Weekly named Romero one the 100 most important people in its circumscribed world; Time called him the Quentin Tarantino of games; Texas Monthly included him on its list of “Top Twenty Texans”: “John Romero is the reigning bad boy of computer gaming, an image he cultivates with his flowing black hair, devilish smile, passion for fast cars (he’s a self-described ‘maniac’ behind the wheel of his Ferrari Testarossa), and thirst for bloody fights to the death — onscreen, of course.” It seldom came up in such coverage that Ion Storm had yet to finish a game, was in fact hemorrhaging money to no clear purpose.

To find a more skeptical and at least modestly more informed take on the current state of the studio, you had to turn to the gaming websites. Here the bloom had just about come off the rose. Ion Storm’s tone-deaf public relations and lack of concrete progress to show on any of its disparate projects were fast transforming fans’ view of John Romero in particular from worshipful adulation to angry mockery. Hell hath few furies like gamers scorned…

The company’s new fishbowl playground was proving great for every purpose except one: that of actually getting work done. The bright sunlight streaming in from above and every side made it impossible to see the monitor screens. Some employees resorted to working only at night; some went to a hardware store and returned with sheets of black felt, which they taped to the walls and ceiling to keep out the accursed light. They eventually discovered that outdoor patio coverings served the purpose best. The stunning space with its views of the Dallas skyline and of the blue sky overhead, streaked with jet contrails from the nearby airport, turned into a sad-sack tent city, which had to be hastily torn down like a homeless encampment before a police raid whenever a representative of the press came around.

Ion Storm received the Quake II engine from id at long last in the same month that they moved into the penthouse, whereupon the programmers saw that porting Daikatana over to it would be even more complicated than they had thought. Eidos had been told that Daikatana would be ready by March; not for the first nor the last time, Romero had to disappoint them. The publisher was growing steadily more worried and impatient at the endless delays and the lack of focus. Some at Ion Storm hatched a plan, perhaps after indulging in one of those other substances that were said to be floating around the penthouse, to launch a line of comic books. It was unceremoniously squashed by an increasingly interventionist Eidos, but not before illustrators had been hired and computers and specialized software purchased for them to use. The sense of strategic and tactical confusion was palpable. People complained that John Romero and Todd Porter had a different answer to every question that was posed to them, were effectively running two different companies. The stalemate ground on.

Ion Storm was learning the hard way that it was an exercise in diminishing returns to chase the latest, hottest game engine instead of just doing the best work possible with the tools to hand. At the E3 show in May of 1998, the new Quake 2-powered Daikatana looked underwhelming once again, this time when set beside the brand-new Unreal from Epic MegaGames, the first shooter by another studio to up the audiovisual bar on id’s flagship releases. As if that wasn’t bad enough, there was also the upcoming shooter Half-Life from a new studio known as Valve, which looked poised to bring a richer story to the genre in much the same way as had been mooted for Daikatana, but with vastly more self-assurance and clarity of purpose; ironically, it made do perfectly well with the old Quake 1 engine. At the same show, Ion Storm’s Dominion, which had still not been released nine months after it had been bought, looked like even more of a long shot than it had before next to Blizzard Entertainment’s Starcraft.

Nevertheless, the fact remained that Dominion was the only game Ion Storm had that was anywhere close to completion. Todd Porter was convinced, against the evidence of that E3 show, that it could become a hit. He turned down an offer from Compaq to bundle it with their home computers, for a royalty of $1 for every such computer sold, with a guaranteed minimum payout of $1.5 million. His logic was that doing so would “cannibalize” retail sales. When finally released in a standard box in June of 1998, Dominion flopped miserably, selling fewer than 17,000 copies and being named a runner-up for “Coaster of the Year” by Computer Gaming World: “Let’s just hope that Ion Storm learns from this experience before its next game ships, or its legacy may be closer to Blind Faith’s than the Beatles’.” It was not an auspicious retail debut for the most hyped studio in the industry.

In the aftermath of this fiasco, Eidos said that they no longer wanted Ion Storm to bother finishing Porter’s Body Snatchers-style game, despite having already paid $3 million for it. Just get the other games done and all will be forgiven, they said. Porter’s team was split between Romero’s team, Hall’s team, and Warren Spector’s down in Austin. The integration process did not go particularly smoothly.

Still, the infighting at the top was even worse. Instead of hashing out their differences face to face, Romero and Porter took them out on their opposite numbers’ favored underlings. Angry on-the-spot firings became commonplace. Epithets like “fucking rat-faced bitch,” which used to be reserved for deathmatch sessions, became normal office chatter. Someone — maybe many people — were leaking to the gaming websites, which reveled in every petty anecdote. The atmosphere of paranoia and distrust left some employees on the verge of a mental breakdown. The penthouse paradise had turned into Lord of the Flies.

A deal to give Eidos 19 percent of Ion Storm, in return for forgiving all of the advances that had come the latter’s way, fell through on the day when the contract was to be signed, when Eidos was informed that Ion Storm would not have a game ready to go for the coming Christmas either. There were rumors that Eidos was just about ready to pull the plug completely. In the midst of the worry and disappointment, Porter sent out a company-wide email asking if anyone wanted to buy his Lotus sports car, because he was looking to upgrade to a Ferrari like the one Romero had; it was leaked and all over the Internet by the next day. Ditto other emails in which Porter called his colleagues “shit” and implied that he had fired a PR firm because Romero was getting too much of the spotlight.

But by no means did all of the troubles at Ion Storm come down to Porter’s abrasive presence. Romero struck many of his employees as… well, as kind of lazy, a conclusion John Carmack had reached years ago. “If you want the overriding problem with John Romero’s character, I’d say it was his emphasis on being John Romero in the public eye, rather than getting things done — especially the things that made him John Romero in the public eye in the first place,” said one anonymous employee to a journalist. “It’s this idea that, once you’ve reached this pinnacle, life is a free ride and you don’t have to do anything from that point on, which is totally wrong.”

“Some people don’t want to do anything,” said another anonymous employee who preferred to speak still more cryptically. “And to them, it’s not a high price to pay to let someone else take control, if they can still do whatever they want.” It seemed that, for all his popular reputation as gaming’s reigning alpha male, Romero could be weirdly passive — one was almost tempted to say timid — when push came to shove. Most of his people believed, probably correctly, that he had the clout to oust Porter if he really, really wanted to; it wasn’t as if anyone was coming to the Chase Tower penthouse to meet the creator of Knights of Legend. But he just let the situation fester, until those around him were almost as angry at him as they were at Porter.

On November 19, 1998, eight core members of the Daiktana team asked for a meeting with Romero. “We don’t think this game is ever going to get done,” they said. They told him that they had received an offer from Mike Wilson over at G.O.D. to make a shooter starring the veteran rock band KISS, and that they had decided to take him up on it. They were leaving, then and there. All of the free soda, candy, and perks in the world weren’t worth enduring the toxic work environment which Ion Storm had become.

True to form, Romero told the heart of his team not to let the door hit them on their way out. But even as he did so, he could surely all too clearly picture Wilson giggling to himself at having engineered so perfect a revenge for his firing from Ion Storm. How the hell was Romero going to finish his game now?

Predictably enough, the story of the walkout was all over the online gaming sites within hours. Ion Storm had become a soap opera par excellence for people who claimed they hated relationship dramas. Even juicier than Wilson’s knife in the back was the person who now stepped up to take a prominent role in Daikatana‘s design. Having recently split from his second wife, Romero was to elevate his new girlfriend, Stevie “KillCreek” Case, to the position of primary level designer.

The Ion Storm saga was already rife with as much anger, dysfunction, and general decadence as any Behind the Music documentary. Now it was time to complete the tableau with a healthy dose of sex.



Did you enjoy this article? If so, please think about pitching in to help me make many more like it. You can pledge any amount you like.


Sources: The books Masters of DOOM: How Two Guys Created an Empire and Transformed Pop Culture by David Kushner, Online Game Pioneers at Work by Morgan Ramsay, and DOOM Guy: Life in First Person by John Romero; Computer Gaming World of October 1996, January 1997, June 1997, June 1998, October 1998, and January 1999; Retro Gamer 75; Dallas Observer of January 19 1999; Texas Monthly of September 1998.

I owe the anecdote about Todd Porter being a nephew of Chet Atkins to a decade-old email exchange with Mark Mark Pelczarski of Penguin Software, who gave Porter his very first job in the industry.

Also the online article “A Hardcore Elegy for Ion Storm” by Christian Divine for Salon.

 
 

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This Week on The Analog Antiquarian

The Tudor Queens

Also, a little programming note: there will go one extra week between this article on The Analog Antiquarian and the next one on The Digital Antiquarian. Just the usual excuses: a holiday and a five-Friday month.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2026 in Uncategorized

 

The Lamentable Later Life of Lemmings


This article tells the last part of the story of Lemmings.


For a while there in the early 1990s, there seemed to be good reason to believe that Lemmings was on its way to becoming one of gaming’s perennial franchises. Developed by DMA Design of Dundee, Scotland, the original Lemmings game took the world by storm upon its release in 1991. From its first home on the Commodore Amiga, its Liverpool-based publisher Psygnosis brought it to no fewer than 23 other platforms, from natural habitats like MS-DOS and the Apple Macintosh to such refugees of the 8-bit era as the Sinclair Spectrum and the Amstrad CPC, from cutting-edge multimedia appliances like the Philips CD-i and the 3DO to handheld gadgets like the Atari Lynx and the Sega Game Gear. In all of its incarnations, it outsold any other game ever to have passed through the hands of Psygnosis by a veritable order of magnitude.

The combination of simplicity, juiciness, addictiveness, and cuteness was truly a lethal one. Psygnosis had to set up an entire call center in the United States to deal with the avalanche of frustrated players begging for hints on this or that devious level. The little creatures made appearances in newspapers, glossy magazines, and mainstream news broadcasts all over the world, even as playing the annual holiday Lemmings mini-games that could be found stacked as stocking stuffers next to cashier stands threatened to become a new Christmas-morning tradition for families. Lemmings joined Tetris and SimCity as one of the computer games that the zeitgeist deemed acceptable for those who did not self-identify as gamers to indulge in. Like those two others, it was an early harbinger of the casual revolution in gaming that would begin to arrive in earnest a decade later.

But whereas Tetris and SimCity would be grandfathered into that revolution at the turn of the millennium — SimCity spawning The Sims, the 800-pound gorilla in the new space — Lemmings would have flamed out by then, being remembered, to whatever extent it was remembered at all, more as a kitschy fad than as an enduring entertainment staple. I quite like the early Lemmings games, for reasons that I’ve explained in detail in the past. Therefore I came to this article with a simple question: just how did the franchise manage to squander all of that early momentum so quickly and completely? And as usual, I found that the answer comes down less to the choosing of a single ill-advised fork in the road than to a series of smaller decisions that doubtless seemed like a good idea at the time, but were exposed as less than good in retrospect.


Lemmings 2: The Tribes, the big sequel to the original game — it was actually the third full-sized game in the series, coming after the less inspired Oh No! More Lemmings, which was largely filled with levels that had been rejected for its predecessor — was released in 1993 amidst huge anticipation and expectation. In many ways, it lived up to its advance press. In place of the suite of eight special abilities with which a player of the earlier games could invest her lemmings, it provided no fewer than 60 of them. The subtitle came from the fact that the lemmings were now divided into twelve tribes, each with their own abilities, appearance, and environments to traverse. The whole endeavor also boasted a new thread of narrative, about helping the twelve tribes escape from captivity. (The Biblical overtones were apparently intentional.)

As a player who had greatly enjoyed the first Lemmings, I found it to be a brilliant sequel. It was, however, every inch a sequel, being built strictly for the gratification of someone like me: someone who had a lot of experience with what had come before. This was not the best place to start your Lemmings journey, as the kids like to say today — not with all of the additional complexity, not with the disappearance of the gentle tutorial levels that eased you into the first game. Inspired as it was on its own terms, The Tribes‘s approach was questionable for a mass-market series of more or less casual games, which the customer should ideally be able to hop on and off of with the same aplomb as a subway rider. Then, too, the heavier weight of the game meant that it could be ported to only eight instead of 24 platforms. Lemmings 2 was a solid hit by all of the normal standards of the games industry, yet it failed to do much to further raise its franchise’s profile as a budding pop-culture staple. The original game, which was now available at a greatly reduced price, in all likelihood outsold it considerably even in the year of its release.

One of the problems, if we want to call it that, was a growing mismatch between the expectations of the market and the instincts and desires of DMA Design. The Scottish gang were gamer’s gamers of the old school, whose two creations before Lemmings had been the straightforward shoot-em-ups Menace and Blood Money. Lemmings had been something of an aberration for them; the cuteness had come about almost by accident, a case of mordant laddish humor ramming slightly askew. If DMA were to continue with the series, they wanted to make it more complicated, more difficult, more ambitious… in short, more hardcore. This was not a recipe for success in the space the first Lemmings had opened up for itself. After The Tribes failed to set the world on fire, DMA felt pressure from above to revert to the mean. This bred an atmosphere of resentment in Dundee that was hardly conducive to productive game development.

As was typical of such contracts at the time, the Lemmings intellectual property actually resided with the publisher rather than the developer. And the former was undergoing big changes. Just before the release of The Tribes, Psygnosis and its in-house studio — the same one responsible for most of the Lemmings ports — were acquired by the Japanese electronics giant Sony, which was looking for a Western partner to make games for its upcoming PlayStation console. This event, combined with the success of Lemmings, raised Psygnosis’s profile enormously, from a niche purveyor of graphically dazzling but often gameplay-deficient Amiga action games to a real force to be reckoned with on the modern entertainment landscape. The Children’s Television Workshop, the maker of Sesame Street, entered into talks with Psygnosis about a Lemmings television show.

It was a tempting prospect on the face of it, but it became problematic as soon as you started to dig into it. Television shows, whether aimed at adults or children, are built around memorable characters. DMA’s lemmings were not quite this. They were a generic mass, all of them identical, the very definition of a faceless horde. Each blobby little creature filled a space no more than ten pixels square on the screen. The lemmings were many things, but they were not Super Mario or Sonic the Hedgehog, much less Big Bird or Oscar the Grouch.

So, an edict went down from Psygnosis to DMA to find a way to give the lemmings more individualized personalities. For their next trick, DMA had been toying with a continuation of the story of The Tribes — or rather a whole set of continuations. The next four Lemmings games would each deal with the fate of three of the twelve tribes after they left the Ark the player had helped them reach last time around. The whole series would be called All New World of Lemmings. (In North America, it would take the name of The Lemmings Chronicles; unlike the vast majority of such re-christenings, this was actually a better name in my opinion.) To satisfy Psygnosis and the Children’s Television Workshop, DMA now promised to make the lemmings bigger, and to fill the menu and victory and failure screens with cute faces that looked different from one another and could play well on television.

If matters had transpired differently, All New World of Lemmings would have been the banner title of a new sub-series, with different subtitles for each of its entries. As it was, Psygnosis just dumped the would-be first entry of the sub-series out there on its own, sans subtitle, and abandoned the other nine tribes to their fate.

“I couldn’t think of any new way to take Lemmings at this point,” admits David Jones, the series’s mastermind from the beginning. Desperate for some sort of gameplay distinction from what had come before, DMA decided to combine the newly television-friendly presentation with yet more complications to the formula — complications that proved not to be much fun. You could no longer invest your lemmings with specific skills from a master pool of same just by clicking on them; now, you had to have them walk over loot boxes scattered around the levels, an incredibly fiddly and annoying mechanic. Meanwhile the increased size of the lemmings had unexpected knock-on effects. When the creatures were tiny, watching them die was funny even for people who reacted to the violence found in other videogames with horror and outrage. But when they became bigger, that changed; their deaths became grislier, possibly amusing for a teenage boy but less so for his mother. In addition to its gameplay issues, the tone of World of Lemmings was badly off in relation to the franchise’s established personality.

You have to walk your lemmings into crates like this one to give them special abilities now. Everything about the gameplay and aesthetics of World of Lemmings hits wrong, sometimes subtly so, sometimes blatantly. This was not promising television fodder.

Not long into development, a feeling took hold in Dundee that they were all just done with Lemmings, ready to come out from under the shadow of the casual monster they had accidentally created and return to making the games they wanted to make. As it happened, this was to be the last game of a six-game contract they had signed with Psygnosis back in the 1980s. Just get ‘er done became the watchword, so that they could take their Lemmings loot and do something more exciting with it. The new passion project around the office was a little something called Race ‘n’ Chase, which would evolve into a bigger something called Grand Theft Auto. “Lemmings 3 was a bit crap,” says DMA’s Mike Dailly, the artist who drew the very first eight-pixel-high versions of the creatures. It was done “more to end our commitment to Psygnosis than to actually do a good game.”

Unsurprisingly, then, it did not end up being a good game. Released in 1994, it made the concept that had seemed so fresh barely three years earlier feel trite and stale and kind of tasteless; even the soundtrack was annoying, the same two-bar fragment of circus music pounded into your head ad nauseam. DMA’s ennui oozed from its every slapdash pixel. This was a genuinely new thing under the sun: an outright bad Lemmings game. Evidently knowing it had a turkey on its hands, Psygnosis did virtually nothing to promote it, a huge contrast to the extensive outreach and advertising that had been done for The Tribes. It appeared on only two platforms, MS-DOS and the by now fast-fading Amiga. Those magazines that bothered to review it at all generally weren’t kind.

This first bad Lemmings game combined with a distracted Psygnosis, now busying itself making fresh games to order for the Sony PlayStation, to let all of the air out of the Lemmings balloon, practically all at once. The negotiation with the Children’s Television Workshop died on the vine. Lemmings was in acute danger of being exposed as a one-hit wonder, fodder for nostalgic “Where Are They Now?” retrospectives, rather than the enduring entertainment icon it had so recently seemed destined to become.

The following year the PlayStation dropped; it would go on to become the most successful single games console of the entire twentieth century, redefining the broader culture’s view of digital games forever with its edgy advertising and its deliberate courtship of the booming rave scene. Psygnosis was a big part of all that, through such early PlayStation hits as WipEout and Destruction Derby. Betwixt and between, it tried to get some more mileage out of Lemmings, efforts which came across rather like a child halfheartedly poking a dead dog with a stick. Having now parted ways with DMA Design, Psygnosis had to give its latest Lemmings projects to other developers with no previous connection to the franchise.

In 1995, we got Lemmings 3D from an outfit called Clockwork Games. The episodic approach of All New World of Lemmings was abandoned, in favor of the technological gimmick of the title. In a sense, the franchise became a pioneer one last time, albeit of a more dubious sort than before: Lemmings 3D was an early manifestation of an industry mania for stuffing 3D graphics into absolutely everything, whether they made sense there or not. “The fundamental core of the game of digging or building across the landscape to rescue the lemmings didn’t need an extra dimension,” says Gary Timmons of DMA Design, who could now only look on from afar as Psygnosis subjected their concept to ever more unfortunate contortions. Mike Dailly is blunter: “It was badly thought-out and just plain rubbish.” And truly, Lemmings 3D is agony to play; the newly mobile camera always seems to be pointing just where you don’t want it to be, forcing you to spend more time trying to get the viewing angle right than manipulating your lemmings. Nobody ever asked for this.

3D Lemmings Winterland marked the last gasp of the tradition of Christmas-themed Lemmings mini-games. The spirit was willing, but the 3D engine was lacking.

With the semi-traditionalist (but in 3D!) approach having failed, Psygnosis swung and missed in 1996 with Visual Science’s Lemmings Paintball — yes, really — and the in-house-developed The Adventures of Lomax. Here we can see the publisher still trying to do what the Children’s Television Workshop had once requested, turning the lemmings into characters to be moved in and out of different gameplay paradigms, something Nintendo had long done for its stable of trademarks with remarkable fluidity. But it was far too late in this case, and far too poorly done. The Adventures of Lomax gave a lemming a name of his own for the first and only time — for, of all types of game, a Super Mario Bros.-style platformer. The kindest thing to be said about it is that some of the art — pixel art again this time — is quite lovely, even as the gameplay is more or less acceptable in a workmanlike sort of way. But it never feels like it has much of anything to do with Lemmings.

After this, Psygnosis seemed to have decided to let the dead dog lie — until, that is, another, final Lemmings game popped up out of the blue almost four years later. It did not succeed in rescuing the franchise from oblivion; it came and went from the budget bins barely noticed by the gaming press. But it did succeed, against long odds indeed, in being a really, really good Lemmings game, by far the best since The Tribes. It’s hard to imagine any anticlimactic swansong acquitting itself much better.


Lemmings Revolution is not without a gimmick, but for once it’s a reasonably interesting one. Instead of stretching out from left to right, each of its 102 levels is wrapped around a giant pillar that you can rotate at will. The gimmick is not what I would call revolutionary in the non-physical sense, but it mixes the usual formula up in enjoyable ways when it’s at its best, and is never actively irritating even at its worst.

But more important to this game’s success than the gimmick are the cleverest, most inspired set of levels since The Tribes. The team who made it, who were housed at Psygnosis’s satellite studio in Leeds, brought a passionate whimsy to the project that the series had been sorely lacking in its last several installments. Co-designer Mat Thomas describes a creative atmosphere that resembles the one from back in the day at DMA Design, when the idea of Lemmings was still fresh and everyone was eager to get an oar in with a level or two.

The entire development team were delighted to work on such a famous series, and we took the challenge. We had a fabulous editor developed by a programmer called Ben Dixon. It was very easy to mock up and create levels. The key to level design with Lemmings is trying to think of ways to use the skills presented to the player in different ways. Inspiration came from each other, and other mediums such as the earlier Lemmings games and, dare I say it, films! Goonies — one of my levels — was inspired by the named film. I tried to put in many gadgets to give that feeling of technology driving the level. Our team created nearly 200 levels for Lemmings Revolution, which allowed us to pick the cream of the crop.

The “Goonies” level mentioned by Mat Thomas.

The finished game goes back to the roots in many ways. The suite of abilities with which you can equip your lemmings is the exact same collection as the original game: the familiar climbers, parachutists, bombers, and bridge builders, plus the three kinds of diggers. Seeing them again feels like meeting old friends.

Yet by no means is Lemmings Revolution a carbon copy of the first game in the series. In addition to the revolution mechanic itself, there are any number of new obstacles and affordances within the levels: switches, saws, lasers, instantaneous transporters, and, most ingeniously, gates that reverse the force of gravity to make your lemmings walk on the ceiling. All of this contribute to a slightly more mechanized feel this time around. There are now weasels to contend with as well; these consider a lemming to be a delightful snack, and must be either avoided or — more satisfyingly — done away with in one way or another. Another new wrinkle comes in the form of special lemmings who are impervious to either drowning in water or being scorched by acid, the better to handle the pools of same that are occasionally found in their way. Exits are now hot-air balloons that must be reached, and sometimes there are more than one of these, with each only able to accept a limited number of riders. The most important point is that all of the additions feel organic to the experience rather than tacked on by some focus group somewhere. Thankfully, no attempt is made to individualize the lemmings and turn them into fodder for television. We’re back to the juxtaposition of generic cuteness and morbidity that made the series stand out during its glory days.

For the first time since The Tribes, these lemmings look like they should.

All told, then, playing this Lemmings game is like going home again. Early training levels yield to more fiendish ones that will have you scratching your head by the middle stages, pulling your hair out by the last ones, as you have to make use of every single affordance at your disposal to succeed. As many of you know by now, I adore games that build up gradually in just this way to challenge their players. And I’m proud to say that my wife and I rose (gradually) to the challenge; we made it all the way to the end.

That Lemmings Revolution succeeds as well as it does in so many ways begins to seem still more remarkable when one considers the rest of its development history. After first agreeing to pay for this last kick at the can for the franchise, Sony abruptly pulled its funding just as it was nearing completion. Through some last-minute scrambling, Psygnosis’s management was able to place the game with the rival publisher Take Two Interactive and see it released for Microsoft Windows if not for the PlayStation.

Granted, some scars from the trauma were left behind. Several levels were bugged badly enough in the initial release to be impossible to complete, until Take Two came out with a patch. Even in the final version of the game, one level — the one called “Lock In” — can be completed only by exploiting a glitch in the game engine. It’s so at odds with the rest of the level designs, which are sometimes diabolical but always scrupulously fair, that I can’t believe this was intentional. I even fancy I can see how the level was supposed to be solved. At any rate, if you decide to play the game, I recommend that you save yourself a lot of frustration and just turn to a walkthrough when you get to this level.

One nice touch in Lemmings Revolution is the ability to choose to some extent what level you tackle next. The green dots represent solved levels, the yellow those you haven’t yet completed. Once you beat a level, you open up the two that are connected to it by arrows. It’s a little hard to see here because I’m boring and just tackle the levels in order, top to bottom and left to right. But if you’re less stubborn and methodical than me, you can take a break from a level that’s giving you trouble and work on another one for a while. Like so much else here, this is just really good, player-friendly game design.

It’s obvious that Lemmings Revolution didn’t have an overly lavish budget even before Sony pulled the plug on it. A thin glaze of story — something or other to do with those weasels who can sometimes be found lurking in the levels — is presented via an opening movie that probably absorbed about half the budget on its own. It’s never mentioned again afterward — not that it really matters. We are given only as many bells and whistles as are necessary to make the levels go and remind us that we’re playing a Lemmings game. The closing movie lasts all of seven seconds; the operative philosophy was apparently that it’s better to tempt the punters in the shops who might buy the game than it is to reward the already captured players who have put many hours of their life into it.

All of which is fine really. By the turn of the millennium, so-called “mid-priced releases” like this one — Lemmings Revolution sold for just $20 from its very first day on store shelves — were often more interesting and innovative than the expensive AAA opuses, whose publishers felt more of a need to protect their investment via micromanagement and risk aversion. Certainly the production values of this Lemmings game are no worse than those of the original. We never came to Lemmings to participate in epic stories; we come to face puzzles and to curse and stomp and almost throw our mice across the room, until a light bulb goes off somewhere in the old noggin and the fingers do what they’re supposed to and we solve that level. At which point it’s on to the next level, to repeat the procedure. We are strange creatures, we humans, aren’t we? Even stranger than lemmings, one might want to say.

Anyway, this humble game called Lemmings Revolution is one of my favorites of all the ones I’ve played from the year 2000 for these histories. I’m happy to give it a place in my personal Hall of Fame and to recommend it to all of you — especially any of you who might have enjoyed the more famous and popular Lemmings games, and thought the later ones had nothing comparable to offer. You were mostly right — but only mostly.

For better or for worse, there isn’t much else to say about the series after Lemmings Revolution came and went with so little fanfare (or, one has to suspect, sales). There have been occasional remakes over the past quarter-century, mostly for mobile platforms, but nothing that displays much in the way of design or commercial ambition. As late as 2010, the franchise was frequently mentioned as being “ripe for revival” for a new era where unabashedly simple and cartoony casual games were by some reckonings out-earning the hardcore ones. But for whatever reason, that revival was never seriously attempted, and the cultural window for the franchise is probably closed by now, what with most of us who were there when it was so huge having entered into our fifth or sixth decade of life by this point.

This is no tragedy. Lemmings came to the zeitgeist and then it went; such is the fate of most pop culture. Good game design, however, transcends trends and fads. If you’re a fan of puzzle games and you haven’t played these ones, know that Lemmings, Lemmings 2: The Tribes, and Lemmings Revolution, the three high points of the series, can still be very vexing and satisfying indeed. This is as true today as it was a quarter-century ago, as true as it will still be a quarter-century on. Even if everyone stopped making games tomorrow, we would still live in an era of unprecedented ludic riches.



Did you enjoy this article? If so, please think about pitching in to help me make many more like it. You can pledge any amount you like.


Sources: The books Grand Thieves & Tomb Raiders: How British Video Games Conquered the World by Magnus Anderson and Rebecca Levene and Jacked: The Outlaw Story of Grand Theft Auto by David Kushner. Retro Gamer 39; Computer Gaming World of September 2000.

Online sources include “The Making of Lemmings” by Rich Stanton for Read-Only Memory, “An Ode to the Owl: The Inside Story of Psygnosis” by Damien McFerran for Time Extension, a Lemmings Universe interview with Mat Thomas, and Damian Katz’s gamebook page.

Where to Get Them: Oddly, none of the vintage Lemmings games are currently available for purchase. You can find downloadable versions of the original Lemmings and Lemmings 2: The Tribes in my earlier articles associated with those games. As for Lemmings Revolution, the third of the three Lemmings games that are well worth revisiting today: you can find it on a certain well-known archiving site if you only search for it. After you install it, you will need to install a patch to make it run properly on modern versions of Windows (and Linux systems under WINE).

 
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Posted by on September 18, 2026 in Digital Antiquaria, Interactive Fiction

 

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Porsche Unleashed

This Porsche is very much leashed. The one I got wasn’t even a turbo model.

I’ve had a running joke with my wife Dorte for almost as long as we’ve been a couple. I reasoned back in the day that, since she was going to be a doctor — a more reliable source of income than writing about computer games — she should be expected to buy me the Porsche of my dreams at some point. Needless to say, I’m still waiting. I had to learn the hard way that a doctor in Denmark doesn’t earn quite as much as one in the United States. (On the other hand, a doctor here doesn’t have to work such ridiculously long hours or have to pay ridiculous insurance premiums either, so it all balances out.)

The closest my dream ever did come to fruition was not that long after we moved to Denmark, when Dorte decided to empty out much of our meager bank account to rent me a Porsche for a weekend as a birthday present. But bless her heart, she didn’t know one model from another. So, what with our finances being so stretched, she just took the cheapest one when she booked the rental online — something called a Cayenne.

This was not the Porsche of my dreams. It was a hulking SUV of the sort that… well, I won’t say that I left the United States just to escape them, but I did enjoy not being surrounded by so many of them on European roads, especially given that my standard mode of conveyance in my new life was a bicycle. Having had no idea where we were going when we climbed into a bus that morning to get to the rental place, I was more confused than disappointed as I handed over my freshly minted Danish driver’s license to the man behind the desk in order to drive away in the least interesting vehicle on the premises.

Of course, it didn’t take me that long to work out what had happened. When I did, I didn’t know whether to laugh at the best wife in the world or hug her as I observed her dismay. So, I did a little bit of both. It was like landing in an O. Henry story — but with Porsches.

In that same “Gift of the Magi” spirit, the Cayenne turned into the gift that kept on giving. We drove down to Germany that weekend to visit my in-laws, whom Dorte had informed of my big surprise beforehand. Their faces showed as much shock as hers had when they saw what we rolled up in. I then had to inform everyone, in my insufferable car-nerd way, that this Porsche was no real Porsche at all, that it was just a rebadged and gussied-up Volkswagen, with an automatic transmission, for Pete’s sake. My father-in-law thought this speech was the best part of all. He still talks regularly about the “Volksporsche” Dorte found for me.

In the end, then, we all got more pleasure out of that frumpy Cayenne than any Boxster or 911 could have given. Even Dorte has come around to admitting that the whole episode was pretty darn funny.

She hasn’t tried again; in fact, I haven’t driven another Porsche since. (In real life, that is; more on the virtual breed momentarily.) The next time Dorte led me to an undisclosed location on my birthday, it was to meet the kitten she’d picked out for me. Thankfully, unlike my Porsche, the kitten was just exactly perfect.

As the car enthusiasts among you are doubtless already raising hands to point out, the irony of my Volksporsche story is that the two brands — the one so utilitarian, the other so prestigious — have always been intimately linked. The Volkswagen Beetle was, after all, designed by a fellow named Ferdinand Porsche. And for most of the second half of the twentieth century, Porsche sports cars and that humble Volkswagen were the only mass-produced cars to sport rear-mounted, air-cooled engines. This is just one of the things that you will learn if you spend some time with Need for Speed: Porsche Unleashed, a rather unusual entry in Electronic Arts’s signature series of aspirational driving games.


Porsche Unleashed is a digital love letter to the marque. No other driving game has ever been so laser-focused on a single brand; even the police cars in this game are Porsches. You could say that it all amounts to an extended corporate infomercial, and you’d be completely correct. But what an infomercial!

Like all aspirational driving games, Porsche Unleashed is a snapshot of the moment it was created. Released in March of 2000, it captured the storied sports-car maker as it charged into the new millennium with renewed purpose and optimism. Porsche had recently survived a near-death experience, and, like many a survivor of same, it had emerged determined to seize life by the throat and make up for lost time.

In 1986, Porsche had a record year, turning out 50,000 cars. In 1993, it made 14,000. Between these two data points lay a brutal sales collapse, exacerbated by a global economic downturn but primarily caused, said many, by arrogance and complacency. Hemorrhaging money, facing the very real prospect of bankruptcy, the company turned to a 38-year-old wunderkind engineer named Wendelin Wiedeking to turn things around. He remains a polarizing figure among Porsche enthusiasts to this day.

For Wiedeking utterly remade the company, turning it from an old-school maker of semi-handcrafted vehicles to an efficient, ultra-modern mass manufacturer. He went to Japan to tour the factories of Toyota, Honda, and Nissan, then returned to Porsche’s hometown of Stuttgart to implement the same processes there. In five years, he reduced the amount of time it took to make a Porsche 911 from 128 hours to 70 hours, increasing throughput in terms of cars per employee per year from 4.9 to 9.1.

The Boxster, the car which did much to pull Porsche back from the brink. Unsurprisingly, it features prominently in Porsche Unleashed.

More controversially, he revamped the model lineup, saying it was no longer possible to survive by making vehicles that appealed exclusively to the kind of uncompromising sports-car connoisseurs who had bought Porsches in the past — the sort of people who regarded heel-and-toe braking as an essential life skill and weren’t bothered in the least by fiddly maintenance procedures or a complete lack of luggage space. He introduced the Boxster, a mid-engine roadster that was cheaper than the flagship 911 model, more livable, and less demanding to drive and maintain. Porsche sold 16,000 of them in their debut year of 1996. For his next trick, Wiedeking gave the world a more robust and practical variant of the 911 itself, the first ever to be powered by a water-cooled engine; the anguished cries of the purists can still be heard echoing down through the years. By the turn of the millennium, Porsche’s total vehicle production had returned to its 1984 levels, with profit margins that were much higher. The financial pages were calling Porsche the automotive turnaround story of the decade, calling Wendelin Wiedeking a genius. Not content to rest on his laurels, he had moved on to his next trick: a luxury SUV called the Cayenne, based on a Volkswagen design, that was set to reach dealers in 2003. The purists (hey, that’s me!) would soon have more cause than ever to howl.

As of the year 2000, though, Porsche was still a maker of sports cars only, with a proud past, a winning present, and a bright future. It felt it had something to celebrate. And indeed, Porsche Unleashed was nothing if not a celebration.

This, then, was Porsche’s motivation. That of Electronic Arts is slightly harder to discern. Like so many other driving and sports games, the Need for Speed series has always been a bit of a black box, lacking the big public-facing personalities who place their stamp on the more design-centric genres. The decision to go in a more historical, simulation-focused direction with Porsche Unleashed is counter-intuitive on the face of it, in that this was the opposite of the direction the series had been trending over its last couple of installments — and, for that matter, the direction it would continue down as soon as this installment was done. It may be relevant to note here that Hanno Lemke, the series’s guiding light from its inception until 2007, seems to have had the least to do with this entry; he is credited here as only the executive producer rather than a line producer.

For whatever reason, Porsche Unleashed is in some ways of a piece with what came before — it’s still every inch an aspirational driving game — while being quite dramatically different in tone and feel. It is, dare I say it… classier? The only tacky part of this game is the name; Porsche Unleashed sounds more like branding for a man’s razor or a sexual supplement than a vital creative work.

I originally played it not long after its release, attracted by its Porsche-centric focus and by a stellar review from the long-defunct Games Domain, my favorite gaming website lo those many years ago. I vaguely remember loving it, but my most indelible recollection is of breaking at least three driving wheels — pulling the shift paddles right off, I believe — in my over-enthusiasm to finish first. When I picked the game up again last year, I was curious whether my jaded middle-aged self would respond to it in the same way. I didn’t buy a driving wheel, for two reasons: because it seemed incompatible with my present-day preference for playing games from the couch, and because I knew that Dorte would laugh at me as soon as I emerged from my office with such a contraption just as much as I’ve laughed at her for the Cayenne fiasco over the years. But even with a plain old Xbox controller, the magic was still there for me.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you at this point something that you may have already gathered for yourself: that Porches have always been the exception to my general disinterest in high-priced, high-powered sports cars. This may be down to their shared heritage with Volkswagen, a brand with which I was quite enamored and could actually afford in my younger days. The very first Porsche-branded car was the 356, built in the immediate aftermath of the Second World War, by some reports with money looted from a factory for military vehicles which Ferdinand Porsche and Anton Piëch, the company’s patriarchs, had set up in Stuttgart. That first 356 was little more than a Volkswagen Beetle with a different body, a stiffened-up chassis, and a souped-up engine capable of churning out all of 40 horsepower. (If that doesn’t sound like much, know that it was almost twice what you could expect from a Beetle in those early days.)

Prior to the tenure of Wendelin Wiedeking, there was a clarity of purpose — almost an austerity — about Porsches that I have always adored. They didn’t chase trends. In fact, they scarcely changed at all over whole stretches of years (which, yes, was doubtless a big reason for the morass the company had sunk into by the beginning of the 1990s.) They remained rear-engined and air-cooled long after even Volkswagen had given up on that design. To drive a car of such a design fast, you really had to know what you were doing. If you didn’t, that heavy rear end would start to come around on you, you’d hit the brakes trying to plant it down again, and in the best case you’d find yourself sitting in a roadside ditch with the hood pointing in the wrong direction entirely. Some people, myself included, found something deeply appealing about such an uncompromising vehicle. You bought a Ferrari or a Lamborghini to show off to others. You bought a Porsche for yourself. Looking back on the late 1980s — my formative years in car culture, as they were those of the modern aspirational driving game — I find that the Porsches from that time have aged a heck of a lot better than their slightly more expensive companions in games like Test Drive, even if the company wasn’t selling as many of them as it might have wished.

So, all of this is surely bound up with my appreciation for Porsche Unleashed. But I think a difference is discernible in this Need for Speed game regardless. Certainly you won’t find a sleeker and more stylish game from the turn of the millennium, a time when tastes in gaming aesthetics in general were often still those of nerdy adolescents. Although it was made in Canada, the feel of the game is more European than North American, which is only appropriate given the subject matter. The chilly house beats that play behind the proceedings are a perfect match for the airbrushed discotheque-ready sheen of the rest of the production.


Another thing you’ll notice before you actually set yourself behind the wheel are the gallery of photographs and press clipping awaiting your perusal, now or later. Although I’ve never been to Porsche’s official museum in Stuttgart, I can imagine that its mood might be a lot like this, at least if they’re doing it right.

But of course, none of this would matter at all if the cars weren’t fun to drive. Happily, then, fun they are. Really, really fun. Porsche Unleashed lands in exactly the right sweet spot between an obviously artificial arcade game like the old Outrun and a fiddly, rigorous simulator like the NASCAR games from Papyrus Design. It is, in other words, an aesthetic simulation par excellence; it feels like you’re actually driving one of these cool cars. The 911s are the highlight of the experience, as they by all rights ought to be. You have to learn that, when that infamously squirrelly rear end comes around on you, you can’t follow your natural instinct to hit the brakes, for that way lies a disastrous spin. No, you have to step on the gas, which will transfer the car’s weight to the rear and let those loosy-goosy tires grip the road again. When you figure out that you can throw your car into the curves, let the back end drift around deliberately, and then down-shift and clomp down on the accelerator to power out of them, it’s an awesome, well-nigh revelatory moment. I’m not sure that I can recall a more satisfying feeling in all my decades of playing videogames. Spend some time with this game, and you will begin to understand why people love those vintage 911s so much.

The streets of Monte Carlo.

All of the courses you can drive are located in Europe. They include the streets of Monte Carlo, the German Autobahn, and a rather generic industrial zone that could be found on any of six continents. But most of them put you on twisting smaller roads, mostly in France. While this is in some ways an odd choice for a game about a legendary German automaker, the end result is so lovely that I’ll let it pass without further comment.

These courses are all a blast to drive and explore, with plenty of the shortcuts and hidden byways that virtual motorists love. They looked spectacular in the year 2000, and still stand up surprisingly well today; this game is almost as effective an advertisement for France as it is for Porsche. It seems weird to use the word “bucolic” in reference to a franchise called Need for Speed, but for this installment it really is applicable. I sometimes like to take an old, slow 356 out just to practice my line through the courses and enjoy the scenery. Call it a reminder of what driving a sports car used to mean: driving well, and having a great time doing it, even if you weren’t going all that fast in absolute terms.

Out for a Sunday drive in a 356. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s funner to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow…

Just one year after Need for Speed: High Stakes introduced a longer-term meta-game to the franchise, Porsche Unleashed gave you two of them, both equally well-done. Its direct equivalent to the High Stakes career mode is called Evolution. Just like in the previous game, you start out with a single modest car and an equally modest sum of cash, with the dictate to go forth and win races to improve the state of your garage and your bank account. But Porsche Unleashed adds a larger historical chronology to the proceedings. As you open up new races to enter, you also advance through time from your starting point in 1950, when the only car you can buy is a Porsche 356 that sways and rolls more than a fat man on a bender and is powered by what sounds and performs like a lawn-mower engine.

In one of the few reflections of the direction the franchise took after this game, Porsche Unleashed lets you tune your cars in career mode. I must admit that this sort of thing exceeds my patience level. I find it easier just to buy new cars instead of mucking about with my existing ones.

In addition to its other attractions, the Evolution mode is another fine history lesson, this time an interactive, hands-on one. When the 911 comes onto the stage in 1964, well after the 356 has overcome its humble origins to get pretty darn good, you might feel like many a 356 aficionado did at the time: skeptical of the newcomer, to put it mildly. But rest assured that the 911, an automotive icon for a reason, will win you over quickly enough.

To its credit, the Evolution mode includes lots of Porsches that aren’t the 356s and 911s around which the brand built its reputation. The 914 is here — this being the semi-infamous Volksporsche which combined a Porsche chassis with the exact same motor that powered the Volkswagen bus I owned all those years ago. (I kid you not.) And we can have a go with the 944, a later lower-end sports car, and the 928, the grand tourer that Porsche made twenty years before the Cayenne was a gleam in Wendelin Wiedeking’s eye. None of these cars is as fun to drive as the fishy-tailed 911, but it’s great to see them nonetheless. Ditto the real oddballs, such as the Porsche 550 Spyder, which looks like an overturned bathtub and is a terrifying handful on the road, such that you can understand all too well how the actor James Dean could have met his death in one in 1955. All told, playing through the entirety of the Evolution mode, from that first 356 to the Y2K incarnations of the Boxster and 911, is quite a trip. A course that used to take you six or seven minutes to traverse will be done in barely two by the time you’ve finished assembling your garage full of Porsches. Evolution indeed!

The 914, the ugly duckling of the Porsche flock.

The other meta-game here is a dramatic new innovation for the series. The Factory Driver mode is a sign of the changing times in gaming circa 2000, when more and more genres were finding ways to include set-piece story lines. The story here isn’t a particularly good one in the abstract, mind you, but it’s notable for existing at all. More importantly, it’s at least as entertaining as the Evolution mode in practice.

On the skid pad in Factory Driver mode.

You’ve come to Porsche to work as a test driver. Over 34 assignments, you have to prove your mettle and fend off various challengers from among your colleagues. Some assignments take place on a slalom course right there in the factory parking lot, but most repurpose the same roadways that you race on in Evolution mode. Realism is not a priority; I certainly hope that the real Porsche doesn’t deliver its cars to the port for shipment by racing them at breakneck speeds over public thoroughfares. Some of the assignments are really hard, at least for a middle-aged man like me; it took me more than an hour of trying to complete an embarrassing number of them. But boy, are they fun, and boy, is it satisfying when you win a race against the clock that had seemed impossible at the outset.

Yes, I am proud. It wasn’t easy, let me tell you.

In fact, I think that I adore this part of the game even more than the rest of it; I don’t even mind that you’re mostly driving 1990s-vintage Porsches in Factory Driver mode, with only the occasional blast from the past. This mode is actually an excellent place to start with the game, as it will teach you skills that will serve you well when you move on to Evolution mode. The only drawback to this ordering is that, if you’re at all like me, you may find that Evolution mode, good as it is, pales just slightly in comparison.

As has surely become all too clear by now, I have very little bad to say about this game. Normally, when I’m writing about a game, I try to temper my criticisms by reminding myself that there is someone out there who likes it a lot more than I do, who cares about it more than I do. Well, that may not be the case with Porsche Unleashed. Even grizzled, jaded critics like me have those special games that stick in our craw for reasons that we may not be entirely able to articulate. Porsche Unleashed is one of those games for me. It seems that all I can bring myself to do is gush over it.

Yes, it’s easy enough to call it too slick by half, to call it corporate propaganda. But it’s just so well-done, so aesthetically masterful and so carefully calibrated for the maximum enjoyment of yours truly, that I don’t care. Part of me feels bad that I haven’t found any other driving games to fall in love with in the same way as this one. Another part of me — the bigger part, I think — feels that, when a driving game is as good as this one, what’s the point of having any others?

Despite reviews that tended to be almost as gushing as the one I’ve just written, Porsche Unleashed was less commercially successful than its predecessors in the Need for Speed series. That disappointment prompted a franchise course correction — or rather re-correction, back to the direction the series had been trending before this detour into a single marque’s history. I feel like I ought to write that this was a shame, but, honestly, what would more games in this spirit have looked like? Ferrari Unleashed? Lamborghini Unleashed? I suppose you could try, but somehow it wouldn’t be the same. Or maybe that’s just the Porsche lover in me talking once again.

As it was, the Need for Speed series soared to new commercial heights early in the aughts by capitalizing on the craze among the youth for “tuning” and (illegally) racing more ordinary and accessible cars, as celebrated by the 2001 cinematic blockbuster The Fast and the Furious and its sequels. For many post-millennial driving-game fans, Porsche Unleashed remained relevant primarily for the sixteen-year (!) exclusive license Porsche had granted to Electronic Arts; this meant that their cars could not appear in anyone else’s games, even as EA’s own were now favoring Hondas and Nissans and even Volkswagens over Porsches and Ferraris and Lamborghinis. When the long moratorium finally ended in 2016, it was front-page news on many a gaming website. (Would we have gotten more exclusively Porsche Need for Speed games if the first one had been more successful? It’s tempting to wonder — but, again, what else could those games have done that the first one didn’t?)

Today, the expired status of the same license agreement means that Porsche Unleashed is not available for purchase anywhere. But you can still find it in the musty back hallways of the Internet, including at a certain archiving organization. It can be tricky to get running well on modern hardware, but it’s not impossible. A good place to start is with the “Combined Patch” by Tsalikon. Just make sure to play the Windows rather than the Playstation version; the latter is so dramatically stripped down as to be for all practical purposes a different, inferior game altogether.

Naturally, you will have to decide for yourself whether it’s worth the effort to track down the game and get it running. I can only say that it was most emphatically worth it for me to renew my relationship with this old flame. I am, it seems, a driving-game monogamist. What I lack in my breadth of appreciation for them is made up for by the depth of my attachment to this one.



Did you enjoy this article? If so, please think about pitching in to help me make many more like it. You can pledge any amount you like.


Sources: I drew my brief summation of Porsche’s recent history and situation circa 2000 from a Harvard Business School case study by Jeffrey Fear and Carin-Isabel Knoop. And let me recommend the book The Nazi Billionaires by David de Jong to anyone who wants to explore the darker side of Volkswagen and Porsche’s origins, the stuff you will never see in a slick propaganda piece like this one.

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2026 in Digital Antiquaria, Interactive Fiction

 

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A Need for Speed

Your humble author in 2009, with his last even vaguely cool car, a 2000 Volkswagen GTI. I sold the GTI and left the United States that same summer. I wouldn’t own another car for ten years.

Looking back from the vantage point of today, it’s hard for even me to believe, but it’s true all the same: I used to be a full-blown car guy. I bought my first car, a 1966 Volkswagen Beetle, for $800 in 1989, when I was sixteen years old. The bad thing about a Beetle was that you could generally expect no more than 60,000 miles or so out of the motor; the good thing was that you could rebuild the motor in your garage over a long weekend and make it good as new again. My inner Luddite, who seems to become stronger almost by the day in our current era of feverish tech-sector nonsense, still feels that something was lost when we stopped making cars that were so amenable to shade-tree mechanics.

I had a couple of other Beetles over the decade and a half that followed that first one, along with a number of other vehicles that made them look like the height of sober-minded practicality.

I had a 1965 Ford Mustang that was rusted out so badly it was literally on the verge of breaking in two. (I maybe should have taken a look underneath before I bought it.) I sold it to a fellow who ran an import/export business; the plan was to send it to Finland for restoration and resale, which means my old Mustang may have beat me to northern Europe by about fifteen years.

I had a 1969 MGB that was determined to prove every cliché about the quirky unreliability of British sports cars to be the gospel truth. I learned that there’s a reason that Lucas Industries, which was responsible for the electrical systems in those cars, is known in enthusiast circles as “the Prince of Darkness.” That MGB is the only car I’ve ever driven where you had a choice between headlights and windshield wipers; there wasn’t enough juice to run them both at the same time. Then again, you probably didn’t want to be driving in the rain anyway, because never was an MGB made without a top that leaked like a sieve. All that aside, the car was a hell of a lot of fun whenever the weather was good and it decided it was in the mood to start.

I had a 1975 Nissan — or Datsun, as they were known in the United States back then — 280Z. It was more fun to drive than any car I’ve ever owned, even the MGB, with an in-line six-cylinder engine that was the stuff of which car-nerd wet dreams are made. For some reason, I decided to swap that 280Z for a 1981 280ZX. I knew I had made a terrible mistake within a week, even if the new car did have the exact same engine. It was like trading the svelte Elvis of 1956 for the fat one of 1976.

But the all-around funnest vehicle I’ve ever owned — not just fun to drive, but fun in general — was a 1972 Volkswagen camper van. It would do about 50 miles per hour flat-out on level ground. Driving it felt weirdly like guiding a boat, and not only because the engine was chirping away about fifteen feet behind you when you sat at the wheel. You could expect a delay of several seconds to any control input as it bobbed and swayed gently on its well-worn springs. So, you just kind of pointed it in the general direction you wanted to go and hoped for the best. Looking back on it, it was a good thing that it wouldn’t go any faster.

That little Volkswagen bus could sleep four people — or rather two couples, assuming you didn’t want to cuddle too much with mere friends. There could be two in the back and two under the pop-up roof, with just a thin net between them and the great outdoors. It had a little refrigerator, a little stove, and even a little heater that ran on — I kid you not — pure gasoline. It’s a wonder that we didn’t blow ourselves up at some point during the weekends that we drove the magic bus up from Dallas to southern Oklahoma’s Arbuckle Mountains.

The joys of all of these oddball vehicles started to pale a bit for me as I entered my thirties. (Come to think of it, it was at about this same point that I started to feel too old for backpacker hostels; this must have been the borderline that marked the onset of a belated adulthood.) In 2004, I bought a Volkswagen GTI that was just a few years old instead of a few decades. It was a nice enough car, but it was kind of soft and heavy in the same way that the Datsun 280ZX had been. Still, it did have the advantage of being (more or less) reliable.

Then I moved to Denmark in 2009 with my new wife, and that was that for the car life. We didn’t even own a car for ten years thereafter. I re-familiarized myself with the lost (to me) art of biking, which is certainly a healthier way to get around as one closes in on middle age. These days we have a Hyundai Plug-In Hybrid, which is… fine, but it doesn’t exactly get the blood pumping, you know? Discounting the odd roadside emergency, I haven’t looked under a hood with deadly intent in seventeen years. I can’t even tell one (modern) car from another anymore.

And yet nothing that we have done and been in our lives ever truly and completely leaves us, does it? Our current house, which we moved into four and a half years ago, has quite a big yard, such that I have to cut the grass with a garden tractor. I still feel a certain quickening in my soul when I smell gasoline and oil and hear the motor fire up, still enjoy doing the maintenance myself. In fact, I just bought a new (to me) tractor this year; I’ll go so far as to say that it’s the best one in our village. I do like to ride around on it, the child being the father to the man and all. As one of my wife’s uncles likes to say, every man should have a tractor of his own, whether real or metaphorical.

But that’s far as I go these days. Sometimes I muse about getting a project car, but I know that I don’t really have the time, and probably not the long-term desire either. I content myself with the occasional veteran bil exhibition (as they’re called here in Denmark) and with seeing what’s on Jay Leno’s Garage each week on YouTube. (If it’s something old, I’m in; if it’s something new, I move on; if it’s something borrowed or something blue, I’m as confused as you are.)

Here’s the weird thing, though: I never had all that much interest in driving cars on the computer, even when my passion for the real McCoys was at its peak. Of course, there are various sub-genres of driving games, as there are of all other types. I’m not so surprised that I never got into the hardcore racing simulations, where it becomes all about grip and downforce and gear ratios and wind-tunnel coefficients and many other numbers I don’t really understand. God bless those who like that sort of thing, but I never had the patience for it, whether the vehicle being modeled is an airplane, a ship, a submarine, or a racing car. Yet I never cared much more about what we might call the aspirational driving games: you know, the ones that assemble a bunch of exotic street cars and set you loose with them, on the premise that, if you can’t afford them in the real world, you can satisfy at least some of your lust for them vicariously on the computer.

I think the problem for me here was that I didn’t aspire to what these aspirational games were offering. At some point many years ago now — definitely before I learned to drive in the real world — high-end sports car reached a level of performance that made them, in my opinion, less rather than more fun. They started to not just include but require traction control and all manner of other driver-assistance measures just to make them controllable, which detracted from the purity of the experience. At the same time, they became so ridiculously fast in comparison to the traffic laws of the realm that I’m left wondering what you’re actually supposed to do with them, assuming you don’t want to be a jerk who endangers everyone else on the road and likely gets himself thrown in jail and his car confiscated before all is said and done. (Denmark isn’t known for being tough on crime, but they do love to confiscate cars here…)

There’s an old saying that has long been my mantra on this subject: “It’s more fun to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow.” Just last year, my wife and I took a holiday to Zagori, a mountainous region in the northwest of Greece, close to the border with Albania. We were there to hike, but I had just as much fun driving our rental car, a Ford something-or-other with a gerbil wheel attached to a couple of rubber bands for an engine, up and down switchback mountain roads that sometimes had me shifting all the way down to first gear. I know that electric cars are the socially responsible future and all, but I’m a little sad that I most presumably won’t be able to rent a simple, basic traditional car like this one for much longer, then proceed to wring every last bit of potential out of it in the old-fashioned, manual way. In my book, that’s a lot more fun than driving a Ferrari responsibly on the same roads would be.

Waiting for goats to cross the road in the Pindus Mountains. A little later, the goat herder emerged, and we had a “conversation” that relied principally on smiling and gesturing. It may be a romanticized whimsy, but I kept thinking that his life wasn’t all that different from that of his ancestors of 1000 years ago. There’s a part of me that hopes his descendants are still living the same way 1000 years hence.

In short, then, the aspirational driving sims were sold on the premise that you really, really wanted to own the exotic cars they featured, and I never particularly did; if we’re being completely honest, I find most post-1970s supercars to be painfully tacky-looking in addition to everything else. This goes a long way toward explaining why I’ve scarcely seen fit to mention driving games in these histories before today. On top of my personal proclivities, I would add one last factor. Some gaming genres, I’ve come to learn, age better than other ones, and thus do more to encourage re-visitation. If you ask me, adventure, puzzle, and action games age the best, followed by CRPG and strategy games. (The latter tending to be more complicated genres in general, they do often fall completely or partially victim to shifting interface conventions; we’ve learned how to present information and let the player twiddle the knobs so much better over the decades that going too far back can be a pain.)

At the bottom of the heap in this respect are undoubtedly sports games and vehicular simulations. As purported simulations of the real world, such games foreground technology more than they do design, meaning that there’s less reason to revisit them when the technology moves on and can present simulations of a better fidelity. If you were to create a list of the most prominent and respected designers of gaming’s various ages, you would find that virtually none of them worked in these genres. (The only name I can think of off-hand is Sid Meier, who did so very early in his career, a fact that I hear trotted out from time to time as a curious anecdote: “Did you know he used to make flight simulators before Pirates! and Railroad Tycoon and Civilization?”)

Sports games and sims tend to be as ephemeral as they are anonymous. The former are generally cranked out on an explicitly annual basis, with the year appended right there to the name, with all of the teams and athletes of right now. If you’re still stuck with an earlier year’s edition, and if you don’t happen to be a very special sort of cultural time traveler indeed, you’re left out, bereft and bereaved. You can still find plenty of die-hard partisans of Civilization II or IV or VI. I presume that you can also find footie fans who insist that FC 24 is where it’s really at and the later versions are pants — you can find anything on the Internet if you look hard enough — but they seem to be a lot less common. Driving games are for all practical purposes the same. Each new annual or biennial edition of the big franchises comes chock-a-block with all of the hot cars of that moment. Who wants to be stuck with a bunch of old cars? (I do! I do! But much older…)

All of which helps to clarify why a quick glance around the retro-gaming blogosphere reveals a CRPG Addict, a Wargaming Scribe, an Adventurers’ Guild, an All the (Text) Adventures project, even a Space Game Junkie, but no one seems to be documenting every iteration of Tiger Woods PGA Tour or Microsoft Flight Simulator in similarly granular detail. Call it the rest of the explanation of why I too have given those genres short shrift in these histories.

Nevertheless, said histories do try to capture the landscape of gaming as it was viewed at the time, not just the nostalgic, fannish perspective of today. Sports games and vehicular simulations were a huge part of that landscape, representing as much as 40 percent of the market at times during the 1980s and 1990s. So, today I’ll try to remedy my neglect at least a little bit, by tracing aspirational driving games back to their point of origin. (Sports game will have to wait for another day.) This will lead us nicely into a big exception to the general rule I’ve just belabored at such length: the one vintage driving game that I actually do dig, even today.


The exception to another rule, that of me ignoring driving sims in the past, is a game called Test Drive, to which I devoted a handful of paragraphs many years ago. Developed by a Vancouver-based outfit called Distinctive Software and published by Accolade in 1987, Test Drive was a fine place to break my silence on the subject of driving sims, however briefly, in that it was arguably the most important such game ever to appear on personal computers. I say this not because it generated enormous sales — it was a big success by the standards of its time, but later driving sims would sell many, many times more copies — but because it was the template for countless games to come. For it introduced the driving sim as an aspirational lifestyle product, almost as much an exercise in branding and promotion for the car makers whose vehicles were included as it was a self-contained game.

Test Drive offered up five of the cars whose posters could be found stuck to the wall in teenage-male bedrooms from sea to shining sea: a Porsche 911 Turbo, a Ferrari Testarossa, a Lotus Esprit Turbo, a Lamborghini Countach, and (for those with slightly less exotic tastes) a Chevrolet Corvette. You got to pick one of these cars, then drive it up a twisting mountain road as quickly as possible, dodging slower traffic and trying to stay ahead of the police cars who were in somewhat inept pursuit. The meta-game that took place when you weren’t behind the steering wheel extended no further than trying to get your time on a high-scores list. It wasn’t much in comparison to what these games would become — but it was enough. You got the chance to drive a car you weren’t likely to ever even ride in, and you got to do it in all the reckless ways that only a maniac would in real life. For the car manufacturers, being featured in sleek and stylish games like this one would soon become an important promotional strategy, creating the customers of tomorrow from the teenagers of today. It was an early step in gaming’s integration into the larger consumer economy, one which happened at almost the same time that sports games began to move toward a season-by-season model that kept them in tune with the latest headlines on ESPN.

Just to further blur the lines between game and advertisement, between game and aspirational lifestyle product, Test Drive helpfully included the sticker prices of each of its cars on the information screen alongside all of the other statistics.

The bona fides of games like these as simulations was a case of a delicate balancing act. On the one hand, you didn’t want to make the cars too dauntingly difficult to drive, in the way of so many hardcore flight simulations — or for that matter some hardcore motorsports simulations, such as Papyrus Design’s IndyCar and NASCAR series. On the other hand, you wanted to ensure that the player could tell the difference between a Countach and a Corvette. You wanted to convey the impression of what it would be like to drive a supercar, in a way that remained accessible even to kids who might not have a driver’s license for the family minivan yet. Michael Bate, a designer for Artech, another Canada-based studio whose works were published by Accolade during the 1980s, called games hewing to this impressionistic philosophy “aesthetic simulations,” a neologism I’ve returned to again and again ever since I first heard it. Hanno Lemke, the producer of Test Drive, describes that game’s goals in classic aesthetic-simulation terms: to “create the most immersive, visceral, and relevant kind of car experiences [emphasis mine] you could imagine.”

When I grew up, it was the white Lamborghini poster in your bedroom or the red Ferrari, and it was very much about [how] the exotics mattered back then. And so, immersion was really important — getting into the driver’s seat, that virtual fantasy, you know. No real-life consequences — I can drive as fast as I want, the cops can chase me, but largely it was all about what it would feel like to drive these exotics.

Each dashboard in Test Drive was a painstaking re-creation of the real thing. This is, believe it or not, that of a Porsche 911. I would have expected a bit more for my money…

Accolade published sequels to Test Drive in 1989 and 1990, alongside separate boxed add-ons with new cars to try out and scenery to traverse, thereby pioneering the model of the driving game as an entire ecosystem you bought into. (Today, that model is driven by the ubiquitous DLC packs.) By Test Drive III: The Passion, other staples of modernity were creeping in as well, such as the ability to rewatch and share your exploits after a particularly good (or bad) run and even a radio where you could select your own station, although we were still a long way from the times when bands and singers would lobby almost as aggressively as car companies to have their music included in such products.

Despite its innovations, the third game was not as well-reviewed or well-received as the ones before. Accolade had developed this installment in-house instead of letting Distinctive do it; this may be the reason that many gamers found it to be lacking a certain ineffable feel for the road. Then, too, some of the design choices were just weird: Test Drive III made keeping your windshield clear of bugs into a central aspect of its gameplay. The franchise effectively ended here, not to be revived until years later, as an also-ran rather than a pioneer.

The third game’s shortcomings notwithstanding, if you’ve played or even seen any of the modern driving sims, and try out any one of these Test Drive games today, you’ll immediately sense the same vibe, even if you are less impressed by the implementation. That’s a remarkable thing to contemplate all these decades later. For all that gaming has changed, it’s amazing how much it’s stayed the same in some of its core genres.


Distinctive was acquired by Electronic Arts in 1991. The new EA Canada focused more than ever on, for lack of a better term, “lifestyle games.” Being Canadian, it was given responsibility for creating the annual installments of the EA Sports National Hockey League franchise in the exploding console-game space. It has continued to this day to crank out a new edition every single year: 34 installments and counting as of this writing. This must surely be a record of some sort.

Driving games soon returned to the agenda as well. EA negotiated a deal with Road & Track, a slick magazine that sold an only modestly more grounded version of the fantasy of fast cars with expensive price tags than had Test Drive. Hanno Lemke was put in charge of Road & Track Presents: The Need for Speed, with many of the same people who had helped him build Test Drive working under him. It was to be a launch title for the 3DO, a new games console cum “multimedia appliance” whose finances were thoroughly muddled up with those of EA: Trip Hawkins, the founder of EA, had left that company with his board’s blessing and plenty of their investment dollars to embark on this new venture. The 3DO was envisioned as a sort of lifestyle console, appealing to an older demographic than the likes of Nintendo and Sega. It requires no great imaginative leap to understand why a game like The Need for Speed could be a good fit with that vision. If all went according to plan, the same people who perused Road & Track might soon be picking up 3DOs.

The 3DO’s not-so-secret weapon was to be the CDs on which all of its games would ship. These CDs would in turn enable lots and lots of digitized video and sound sourced from the real world, a possibility which would have seemed like science fiction just a few years earlier. The Need for Speed embraced said possibility with all the enthusiasm that was expected of a 3DO game; you didn’t see a computer-drawn car on your screen until you settled down into the driver’s seat of one.

The video clips were typical of the era — which is to say, amazing simply for existing at the time of the game’s release in 1994, but ho-hum at best today. The worst decision was to add a shakily acted fellow named Mr. X to serve as the player’s antagonist, popping up from time to time with some trash talk. This was exactly as grating as it sounds like it would be, especially after you had seen him deliver every one of his limited repertoire of one-liners multiple (dozen?) times.

Mr. X has something to say about your performance. He is aptly described by a contributor to MobyGames as “a face you love to punch.”

The means of production of all this video reflected the fact that the games industry, for all its rapid evolution, still had a ways to go before it would be competing on a level field with Hollywood. EA didn’t even have the clout to borrow cars from the manufacturers whose vehicles were included. So, Hanno Lemke and his friends had to go begging. Luckily, Road & Track had whole filing cabinets full of still photographs of the cars in question that were ripe for digitizing. In the category of the moving image, the Ferrari Testarossa seen in the video clips belonged to Chris Roberts of Wing Commander fame, the Lamborghini Diablo to Richard Garriott of Ultima fame, and the Porsche 911 to an EA Canada executive. Other cars were scavenged by still more humble methods, being vehicles that the team simply spotted driving by and chased down to ask the owners if they were interested in making a cameo appearance in a videogame.

Speaking of people with punchable faces: Chris Roberts’s Ferrari. (I kid! I kid!)

Once you got past all of the multimedia-age gilding, however, you found a very credible aesthetic simulation waiting for you. The Need for Speed reinvented no wheels; it was a recapitulation of Test Drive on a larger canvas, right down to the vaguely hapless cops who lay in wait to chase you down public highways. Once again, you had a selection of mouth-watering sports cars to hand, updated to reflect the latest developments in the field. (This time, the Japanese got a chance: no fewer than three of the eight cars — the Mazda RX-7, the Toyota Supra, and the Acura NSX — came from the Land of the Rising Sun.) But it was all done better, reflecting the seven years of steady technological advancement that separated The Need for Speed from the original Test Drive.

The game nailed the look and feel it was going for. No one would accuse this of being a hardcore simulation of driving — not when you could bump and bash and grind against the other vehicles with impunity, when even crashing head-on at speed into the side of a building resulted in little visible damage to the car. (This was a requirement of the contracts with the manufacturers, who had no desire to see their halo vehicles getting smashed up and exploding on screens; such requirements are still the rule in the contracts of today.) Even the non-police computerized drivers you could race against — another advancement over Test Drive — were more interested in showing you a good time and keeping the adrenaline level up than they were in earnestly trying to win. As one reviewer put it, “the AI drivers don’t race; they shadow.”

Driving a Dodge Viper, one of the new supercars that had appeared on the scene since Test Drive.

The point was that it was fun, being just close enough — but not too close — to what racing cars such as these might really be like. The game presented an alternative universe where you could not only afford a supercar, but one where insurance premiums didn’t exist and the police would give you no more than a ticket and a stern talking-to if they caught you driving 170 miles per hour down a heavily trafficked road. This was a universe that teenage boys everywhere — even the ones who happened to be in their twenties, thirties, forties or fifties — could well and truly get behind.

But sadly for everyone involved, the 3DO console was a marketplace flop. On the supply side, a scheme for renting out the console’s specifications and firmware to multiple consumer-electronics makers proved a recipe for confusion, while the slightly older folks who wanted to play multimedia videogames in their living rooms of an evening in lieu of watching television proved rather less plentiful than anticipated. Still believing they had a good thing on their hands, one which was just on the wrong platform at the moment, EA Canada reworked The Need for Speed for ordinary personal computers. This allowed them to turn it into the biggest game ever to be born on Trip Hawkins’s misbegotten console.

Released in 1995, this incarnation of The Need for Speed dialed back on the most annoying aspects of the 3DO version — Mr. X got the well-deserved axe — while keeping everything that had made it appealing. In its review, Computer Gaming World magazine made note of the tightrope it walked with such aplomb: “Realistic elements are usually compromised for the sake of a quick learning curve and blazing arcade action. But Need for Speed is kind of an anomaly: it borrows some from both styles and thrills the senses along the way.” It became a huge hit on personal computers. It was then ported to the Sony PlayStation, a new CD-based console which had set out to do much of what the 3DO had, and would pull it off much better. The Need for Speed took off there as well. Indeed, in some ways games like these were always more natural fits for consoles.

“Balloons ahoy!” in the computer version of The Need for Speed.

So, out of the smoking rubble of the 3DO, a long-running driving-game franchise arose. Need for Speed II came out in 1997. Along with the definite article in the name, it dropped the Road & Track partnership; EA now had more than enough clout to get all of the glamor shots and test models it could want from the manufacturers. Some complained that the advancement was all in the department of graphics and sound, but that was fine for most fans of this most deeply experiential of all gaming genres. “Little details like hearing the shift click mattered back then,” says Hanno Lemke, who would continue to act as the franchise’s primary producer until 2007. “Watching the dials move mattered.” (There is a reason that I like to call these games aesthetic simulations.)

The series was moving now toward an annual release schedule, just like the sports games. In that spirit of ongoing perpetuity, Need for Speed III: Hot Pursuit, which came out in 1998, was the last installment with a Roman numeral and the first with a subtitle. To further press home the notion of Need for Speed as a subculture you bought into rather than a single game you bought, EA began to regularly put up new, downloadable content — most importantly, new supercars to add to the ever-growing list of same — on its website.

The police have upgraded their stodgy cruisers to Camaros in Need for Speed III.

In a decision which was polarizing in some circles but doubtless exhaustively market-researched, this installment leaned further toward the arcade game at the expense of the simulation. As its subtitle would imply, it heavily emphasized the police-chase aspect. The cops, who had verged on being little more than props at times in the past, could now go so far as to set up roadblocks ahead of you, complete with tire spikes. But, as Computer Gaming World’s reviewer captured, the core attributes of the aspirational lifestyle game, as deft at promoting the cars it featured as it was at being good fun in its own right, remained as pronounced as ever.

During the time I was writing this review, I went driving in the mountains. As I cruised along narrow, twisting roads, I kept thinking about how much the experience reminded me of playing Need for Speed III — at least as far as handling the car went. I wasn’t being chased by the police, and I wasn’t pushing my Lamborghini much past 60 miles per hour. Okay, so I don’t own a Lamborghini. But after playing this game, I sure wish that I did.

Need for Speed: High Stakes appeared right on time in 1999. In order to give the Buford T. Justices of the world some redemption, it let you become the police instead of forever being chased by them. But the less gimmicky, vastly more significant addition was that of a career mode, which finally provided a proper meta-game to bridge and give context to your exploits on the highways and raceways. You started with only enough money to buy what passed for a budget car in this august assemblage: a Mercedes SLK or a BMW Z3. You had to earn your way into the more exclusive rides by winning ever more challenging tournaments, whilst keeping your repair bills to a minimum in the process. High Stakes wasn’t quite the first aspirational driving game to introduce a career mode — that distinction belongs to Gran Turismo, a PlayStation-exclusive competitor — but it was a huge step forward nonetheless. Suddenly the individual races had… well, high stakes, that extended beyond the moment-to-moment maneuvering on the road, that might even cause you to exercise a modicum of caution out there from time to time. And as you progressed, you slowly amassed a garage full of tricked-out, exotic sports cars. I trust that I’ve flogged my hobby horse sufficiently by now to not have to tell you what this meant for these games as aspirational lifestyle products.

Your garage in High Stakes looks like a car dealer’s showroom. This is not a coincidence…

All of this was great, if you were interested in buying what these games were so explicitly selling. I must confess that I really wasn’t, even back in the day. The cars that were featured weren’t generally the ones I lusted after, and I found the whole presentation a bit too boy-racer for my tastes. But then Need for Speed took a surprising detour — one that would prove a bit of a blind alley for the franchise, but one that I enjoyed immensely. I’ll tell you all about that next time.



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Sources: Edge of October 1994; Retro Gamer 59 and 178; Computer Gaming World of February 1988, April 1991, November 1995, August 1997, March 1998, and January 1999; the Harvard Business School case studies “Electronic Arts in 1995,” “Electronic Arts in 2002,” and “Electronic Arts: The Blockbuster Strategy.”

Online sources include “A Distinctive Lineage” by Chris LaVigne for The Escapist, “How Need for Speed Became the World’s Biggest Racing Game” by Mack Hogan for Road & Track, and an interview with Hanno Lemke conducted by John Davison for 1UP.com.

Where to Get Them: Unfortunately, none of the games discussed here are available for legal purchase, presumably due to the expiration of the various licensing agreements with automobile manufacturers. It’s another reason that these sorts of games are so easily forgotten by history…

 
 

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